Thursday, September 16, 2010

MRI Results, Rashes and Life

Wow that's a title right? Sorry, it's been awhile, but as you all know some days are just harder than others. I seem to be still progressively getting worse, and I haven't managed to take a break yet - between finishing up work and doctor appts. Each day it seems like less and less activity is too much.

My MRI results came in - abnormal of course? I have "at least 7 T2 hyperintense foci scattered and 1 juxtacorital lesion. Of course in English I have no idea that that means (insight is welcome - LOl) but I get that it's abnormal.

I have also developed a rash near the areas that I've been doing the B-12 injections. So until I hear back from my doctor I can't do anymore of those - while they weren't helping with fatigue much - they were helping with pain and I miss them.

I've been doing them for about 2 weeks - had no problem at all and then suddenly developed a quarter size rash on each leg in the area - in fact you could actually see several injection sites within the rash - odd. I wonder if it's because I'm doing them wrong or something (like too slow) - I have no idea - any ideas?

I hope everyone is doing as well as you can and hope to be online a bit more often soon.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Change is in the Air

My last "official" day at work is 09/15, and then I'm officially on medical leave. A temp started today, in my chair, at my desk, doing my job and it's hard to accept.

I know this is the best thing for my health, I knew it was coming, but it's still stirring up alot of emotions. I wonder how many people think about how truly difficult it is for someone to just leave it behind and not know what the outcome will be?

In other news, no results back from my MRI, but I did horribly on the memory tests at the neuro/pysch testing. To be honest, I was surprised by how hard it was and how poorly I did, but hopefully it will help my disability claim. Again, another change or realization this week though, how much this has altered my brain is unbelievable.

I hope to be able to be back online a little more once work wraps up and I have time to recover from all of these appts. and stress.

((Hugs)) to everyone that took time to read my rambling post. LOL

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

So Tired..........

Sorry it's been awhile, daily life is taking too much energy right now. I'm still trying to work from home until the middle of September, at which point I will be going out on medical leave for a minimum of 3 months. It's been difficult. I'm making more and more mistakes (work related), my memory is shot, and by the time I deal with work emails, I can't even look at the computer any longer to update this blog or to read any of yours (sorry in advance). Hopefully, things will improve a bit once work is wrapped up.

I'm scheduled for an MRI (brain scan) the end of this week and going for the initial appt. with the neuro/pysch group next week, so at least those tests will be out of the way before I file for short term disability.

My emotions are all of the place, and I'm afraid it's going to take a bit for that to calm down as well. Exhaustion is almost a blessing sometimes, because if forces my brain to shut off. I've been having more headaches lately and I know that's due to my emotions and stress.

I bounce back and forth with my husband almost daily, I will think he is "on board", but then he will make statements if I say I'm worn out like "well, you were home all day", and it just sends all of those insecurities into overdrive. Yes, I've tried to explain to him, no he does not think he has said anything wrong, I am blowing it out of proportion and making it bigger than it is - apparently.

I actually do look sick at this point, but apparently not sick enough - I'm afraid. Maybe, I am too sensitive about being out of work, and people believing how truly sick I am, but then again maybe I have the right to feel that way right now. I don't know. I considered seeing my counselor but that requires asking for another ride from someone, so instead I just keep hoping for the best.

Sorry this is a bit of a downer of a post, but we all have those days, and I think it's important to not pretend you don't.