Sorry it's been awhile, daily life is taking too much energy right now. I'm still trying to work from home until the middle of September, at which point I will be going out on medical leave for a minimum of 3 months. It's been difficult. I'm making more and more mistakes (work related), my memory is shot, and by the time I deal with work emails, I can't even look at the computer any longer to update this blog or to read any of yours (sorry in advance). Hopefully, things will improve a bit once work is wrapped up.
I'm scheduled for an MRI (brain scan) the end of this week and going for the initial appt. with the neuro/pysch group next week, so at least those tests will be out of the way before I file for short term disability.
My emotions are all of the place, and I'm afraid it's going to take a bit for that to calm down as well. Exhaustion is almost a blessing sometimes, because if forces my brain to shut off. I've been having more headaches lately and I know that's due to my emotions and stress.
I bounce back and forth with my husband almost daily, I will think he is "on board", but then he will make statements if I say I'm worn out like "well, you were home all day", and it just sends all of those insecurities into overdrive. Yes, I've tried to explain to him, no he does not think he has said anything wrong, I am blowing it out of proportion and making it bigger than it is - apparently.
I actually do look sick at this point, but apparently not sick enough - I'm afraid. Maybe, I am too sensitive about being out of work, and people believing how truly sick I am, but then again maybe I have the right to feel that way right now. I don't know. I considered seeing my counselor but that requires asking for another ride from someone, so instead I just keep hoping for the best.
Sorry this is a bit of a downer of a post, but we all have those days, and I think it's important to not pretend you don't.
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Oh yes we all have those days and I have been having one for the last week hahaha.
ReplyDeleteI do expect that your emotional stuff will settle down for you. I am sure that any outbursts from your hubby are more about his struggle to come to terms with it all than just plain ignorance and disbelief that you are sick. Let those comments he makes just slip off your back and give him time to deal with it all too, he is most likely going through his own grief and loss also.
If you have the MRI remind yourself that many of us have abnormal scans. Apparently our scans often look like those of AIDS patients, don't let this freak you out, it's normal for 'us'. If it comes back clear then that's a good thing :) Just go with the flow girl, it's all you can do and you will feel better as you accept that.
I hope things start to fall into place for you soon. It's a big transition, that's for sure, but it sounds like you're doing the best thing in the long run for you and your body.
ReplyDeleteLee Lee,
ReplyDeleteAs always you are my voice of reason. I will try harder to let the comments slide off my back, your right of course, I've had much more time of acceptance. I'm so sorry your having one of those weeks, I hope you feel better soon, I really wish I could bring you a cup of tea. (Hugs)
Upnorth -
Thanks, it is a big transition, but sometimes our bodies leave us no choice. Thanks.
Helloo..must say you are a strong person indeed..i am reading your post for the first time today, and i am really touched by what you have shared with us. I can understand what you must be going through..We all have "bad days" when nothing goes right in spite of continuous efforts..but in the end its the persistence that wins!
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon..please do not take stress at work. You can refer to findrxonline for information about prescription drugs and analgesics..but use it with your doctor's advice. Get well soon..have a happy year ahead.
Regards,
Dan Watson
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