Thursday, September 9, 2010

Change is in the Air

My last "official" day at work is 09/15, and then I'm officially on medical leave. A temp started today, in my chair, at my desk, doing my job and it's hard to accept.

I know this is the best thing for my health, I knew it was coming, but it's still stirring up alot of emotions. I wonder how many people think about how truly difficult it is for someone to just leave it behind and not know what the outcome will be?

In other news, no results back from my MRI, but I did horribly on the memory tests at the neuro/pysch testing. To be honest, I was surprised by how hard it was and how poorly I did, but hopefully it will help my disability claim. Again, another change or realization this week though, how much this has altered my brain is unbelievable.

I hope to be able to be back online a little more once work wraps up and I have time to recover from all of these appts. and stress.

((Hugs)) to everyone that took time to read my rambling post. LOL


  1. the memory thing is a weird one's the one I feel most embarressed about if I am talking to someone because it makes me feel like such an idiot when i cant think of a word or a use the wrong word ... or anything thing else that makes you look dumber than you are. I dont seem to mind people judging me for appearing crippled if i cant walk etc but i really hate people judging me on 'appeared' lack of intellegence .... Even writing this I find I have no idea how to spell words that I know I can spell ... it's embarressing ...
    But ... aside from that, glad you are moving forward, it's good news! xx

  2. So sorry Dawn, hang in there. What a transition! While I hope everything on the MRI and "tests" is OK, like you said, if not, it will help with your disability paper work. If it helps you any, My own "brain fog" went away after about 5 years....I think somehow my brain just healed. Now I just get a very little bit if I'm especially tired.

  3. Thanks to both of you -

    Lee Lee I get so embarrassed also, sometimes I know I'm misspelling a word or using the wrong one and I HATE it. The part that freaks me out is when my daughter tells me I've had entire conversations I've forgotten.

    Upnorth - the neuro actually told me that day that he has seen brain improvement as people improve, it's wonderful to hear that your for you that part seemed to heal - it is encouraging.

    In other news, I'm feeling really weird about the temp today - I know I'm being unreasonable, I know it's for the best, but it is truly bugging me beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

  4. Hi, I just found your blog and wow I can relate. My last day of work was Sept 30. Like you I knew it was coming but was not prepared to leave my desk and computer with someone sitting there doing my work. It was very odd to say the least. While I was approved for a medical retirement I too am now doing the SSDI paperwork.

    For the last 10 yrs I have suffered with Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, epstein barr, chronic pain, arthritis, bad back from my head to my tail bone and the list goes on believe it or not. My ME/CFS went into full time in 2007 and I have been fighting it since. As of 2009 I did not get out of bed from July to Sept. I tried to go back to work but over the last yr my boss figured I was there maybe 30% of the time. I was so lucky he was a good boss but it was time to go. It was an agonizing decision, when I felt good enough to worry about it. So for several months there has been someone else up to this point helping me with my job, and I put in for retirement. Since it had to be approved I guess I just ignored the decision day would come and when it did they almost had to drag me out of there. Mentally I had a hard time with it, but physically I knew I could no longer preform, but no one wants there career to end this way.

    I feel for you and had to share my story. I hope you are able to improve and recover. Its been almost 7 weeks now and I am still adjusting and just went through another flare which knocked me on my @$$.

    Well take care and best of luck to you!