Monday, May 17, 2010

If only....................

My weekends are becoming beyond predictible. On Saturday's I spent a couple of hours with my mom and then do whatever housework I can manage. This Saturday I went over the top a bit, and scrubbed my husband's shower (it was beyond gross), cleaned both bathrooms and straightend up the house. I (of course) took breaks between each task, but still managed to overdo it. Saturday evening I agreed to go with my husband to the neighbors for dinner - managed to stay until 9:30 in a feeble attempt to spend time with him, only to leave by myself and for him not to come home until 1am. This is becoming a constant, predictible outcome as well. Needless, to say I was down for the count all day yesterday. I'm asking myself what did I gain from any of that?

If only we could find things to do together now that accomodate my illness, If only he would be considerate enough to come home with me occassionally, If only I felt as if he was making an effort.

I know it seems like a lot of whining and I apologize in advance - but this is where my life is right now, this constant state of figuring out, and adjustment, and realizations.

In other news, I gave my doc note to my employer, as I expected they wanted to send me out on disability because they could not accomodate such a broad request, nor can they accomodate my working from home. I have agreed to finalize the agreement to work 4 days per week and continued flexibility on morning arrivals. I have been informed they absolutely can not accomodate me past this. I'm hopeful that I'll be ok with this, I'm also still planning for if I'm not.


  1. I think it's terribly hard to adjust to having any kind of real time together or going out (if/when possible ) when you are unwell: for both of you.

    Has to be really simple things like watching a DVD together or going out for coffee/breakfast somewhere near, so that as little energy as poss. is expended in travelling and what is left can be used for the activity. All very well saying that but will your husband accomodate that ? Guess he may be finding it tough too ...with you not being able to stay on at friends etc.

    Work sounds really difficult. In all honesty sounds like you could do with way less than 4 days at work but if you have to...for the moment, I guess you have to. Are there any other part-time posts available ? Working from home is not a good idea in my experience: it's even harder to shut off from work then and you need home to be a sanctuary away from job-related concerns.

    Thinking of you :O)

  2. Cusp -

    It is hard to adjust and I realize this. I'm just not ready to throw in the towel on the "idea" yet. I have mentioned going for a movie mid-day, having a nice lunch out, I would even be happy with a DVD and bed picnic, but we shall see.

    I agree that I need more than what I have requested at work, but for the moment, I have to do the best I can. I am preparing for this not working, but this "buys me a little more time" (I hope).

    Thanks for your thoughts - it truly does help.