Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Can't Keep My Eyes Open

Wow, today is rough, I caught myself barely able to keep my eyes open on the drive in (BAD - I know).

Thanks for all your comments, as always they mean so much to me.

I do think it's obvious I have CFS, but seeing this infectious disease control doc will accomplish several things (1) make my boss happy, (2) make sure nothing else is going on (3) make sure nothing else is complicating my CFS.

However, I have to admit that I feel a bit lead around at the moment. It seems that now I'm pushing myself because my boss is being so nice and getting me in to see another doctor and because he gave me last week off. I asked my immediate supervisor yesterday (not the same boss) - to reduce my pay to what I'm actually working so that I can stop burning up all my vacation and sick time to make up my hours and was told "that's not necessary at this point". I tried to explain that I am very afraid that I won't have any "time" left if I need an extended break or even if I just crash and need a week off again - apparently it's "still not necessary at this point".

My husband is flying high on the thought that this new doctor is going to find out what is going on with me and be able to "fix" me - this all feels like unfortunately a recipe for disaster.

All I know is that I can't do this much longer and we all know it (at least all of us here - LOL), I can't keep pushing, I need to stop.

I'm taking it one day at a time, hopefully with my eyes open at least some of the time.


  1. It sounds like you are in a better headspace even if your bodyspace is still crap :) It would be great if the infectious disease guy found something, but it's probably unlikely .... just let your hubby have his moment of hope .. it's how he is dealing with this at the moment so just let him run with that ....

  2. Oh by the way, I just saw this in the news and thought it may be of some help to you. It about recent chnages to the law regarding disability support - http://www.rabinsslaw.com/CM/Articles/CFSFinallyRecognized.asp

  3. Oh, men, always trying to "fix" things! I know where you're coming from with your husband's attitude. My dad is the exact same way. They live close by and I've occasionally gotten this judgmental attitude from him of "Why aren't you doing more to fix this? Why are you (seemingly) doing nothing"? It's a bit hurtful coming from people who are close to you and should know you better than that I'd say.

    Maneuvering around with work is so tricky too! I can imagine how frustrating it must be. Must keep the boss happy, but the more you do, the longer other very important things are put off, like taking steps necessary get to the point of actual beneficial time off and rest. But getting to that point is worth it. It's a leap of faith to just -stop- working (and hope it will help in the end, and is worth the sacrifice), but not having that feeling that you're wearing yourself to the bone and out of existence day in and out is such a HUGE relief! And you actually stand a chance at improving then...most important thing!

    Thanks also for your kind, supportive comments on my page! Always so nice to read :)

  4. Hang in there if you can. I think you husband is reflecting his own fears for you and the household and his probable feelings of helplessness. Sounds like employers are trying their best to accommodate a tricky situation for all of you.

    At least now you realise you must stop asap and hopefully, once the doc has seen you and ruled out anything else you'll be able to rest properly and then take things from there

    Thinking of you (*)