Well, the motorcycle has been put off for awhile I think - however, the conversation opened Pandora's Box and I am feeling beyond defeated, exasperated, and lost.
My husband wants to know what my "plan" is. He wants to know if I take this month off, and then go back to work after and the same thing happens and I just going to "give up" or am I going to try to "push through". He asked if I was "throwing in the towel". He says he has a right to know "what he is looking at", is it a month, 6 months a year - or what. He doesn't want to hear that I have no way of knowing, he doesn't want to hear assume for the worst and hope for the best, he doesn't want to see my tears. He also, doesn't see what the point is in going in to see my doctor with me, when he's only going to say that he can't say how long I will need either.
As you can imagine, I am hurt (and of course he says I take everything too "literal"). How would you take it if your "partner", the one that is supposed to "stand by you", asked if you were giving up, throwing in the towel, or were going to push through. I tried to explain that I don't have "choices" - he simply doesn't get it and I don't think he wants too.
I'm angry also, I supported us when he was in a car wreck way back when our children were small, he was out of work for 3 months, I figured it out, told him not to worry, and we never knew in advance how long he would be out. Or how about that time he lost his job (by his fault) two months before Christmas one year and couldn't find another job until January? Yep, same thing, we would figure it out, he was told not to worry, and not only did I figure out how to pay the bills, but also how to provide Christmas for our children. I apparently do not get the same.
This morning, he called me to tell me it was "time to get up and join the world again". You can imagine how that made me feel as well.
I'm tired, I'm stressed, I feel like total crap, I am alone, I feel that it would be "easier" if I was doing this on my own. I can't take it any longer.
So my "plan" (per him I guess or at my moment of defeat one) is to ask my big boss about working from home and if he doesn't say yes then we go from there.
I don't know if I should still try for the doc appt. - I feel that it's only wasting my doctor's time, my money, and that perhaps we could use that time instead to fill out forms (since I doubt highly I am going to be able to work from home - I've already been told no - once).
Correct me if you think I'm wrong.
Meanwhile, not a great way to recoup from one week and prepare for the rest. I wasn't depressed before, but I certainly am now.