Friday, July 30, 2010

Another Day - Another Dollar..........

My "big" boss, wants me to go to ANOTHER doctor. One that for the life of me, I can not even figure out why because his speciality has nothing to do with anything I have going on. I'm putting it off for now, to be honest, I have to get out of this game. My plan is to wait until my CFS doc returns from vacation, follow-up with him, perhaps discuss a more complex neuro exam (due to the more recent issues I've been having) and let it go at that.

I'm burned out by doctor appts, I feel like I'm on a ride that I can't get off of, and I feel like I have crossed a line, in order to get my company to accomodate me, I'm done.

Back at work today, fortunately it's quiet because I'm truly only 1/2 here. I caught myself closing my eyes again this morning on the drive in, and my bladder has gone absolutely crazy so caffeine today is out of the question or I'll end up in some serious pain.

Moving along, I need some suggestions for things to keep me somewhat occupied when I'm down and out. I used to read, but can no longer concentrate and the words on the page give me a headache. I still do some fuzzy poster coloring but it's only every now and then because again it takes too much focus. I used to crochet a bit, but remember all of the steps is impossible. I am SICK of TV. So what do you do - when your resting, but not so out of it, that you would like to do something to entertain yourself?


  1. Lately I've been listening to my ipod and also downloading fun radio programs and listening to them....just an idea.... also, I know some people like "Books on tape"

  2. The last couple of weeks I have been to ill to barley sit up let alone 'do something'. I have been passing the time by closing my eyes and remembering an event from the past and then replaying it in tiny detail. It's actually been lovely! I have been back trecking in Nepal and I have been singing on stage in front of 30 000 people, it really has kept me occupied and kept me calm. Having said that, I am now feeling a whole lot better and as you can see I am back at the computer, YAH!!!! haha

  3. i think that after the initial phase of collapse with bodily relief, you will find that when you are not working and doing all that you do now, you might find that there are times of day you can do the things you enjoy for short periods and the rest of the time will pass quite easily attending to your basics needs like making food, household tasks and resting etc. I spend quite a lot of time online, but also i try to do creative things that make me feel good and give me a sense of acheivement. I am hoping to do something creative if i get well enough to work again. You could also spend time thinking about that you would like to do with your precious energy if and when you are able to work again. Would it be the same kind of thing? If not, can you work on building skills/working towards that change while you are waiting to be well enough. I think that comes later though, initially you will be sorting out practical matters, and adjusting some more. It all takes energy but i hope you can keep some fun and social interaction in the mix too.

  4. Upnorth - books on tape are a great idea - thanks!

    LeeLee - I know - I'm so sorry you've been having a time, and so happy to see you back.

    Ashy- oh you are smarter than I for sure, you state WHEN I go out of work, not IF - I think your right though - about it is WHEN and that I will be able to reserve some energy at that point to find some enjoyment in the day (hopefully).

  5. how else will you let your body rest and have a chance heal, rather than draining it and not listening to it?

    Perhaps you can find a way to balance some work with this illness, i hope you can, but try to work out a life that has some fun in it too or it will soon get you down. You can't put everything into work long-term, especially when it is such a struggle and you feel rubbish even when there!

  6. Ashy -
    Your right - I don't think there is a balance (at least in this current position). I'm just riding the ride for right now, but I expect I will be out before much longer.

    Your right, putting all of your effort into work is no way to live your life for sure, it most certainly can get you down.
    Thanks again!