Thursday, August 5, 2010

Day Off and Doctor Follow Up

I am so grateful I had planned to take yesterday off. I absolutely did not hear my alarm clock and it was going off for well over an hour when my daughter woke me up. I managed to do nothing yesterday but watch some TV and nap. I'm taking it as easy as possible at work today, so far my knees and legs are not messing with me again. I know for sure now that there is a direct link with how worn out my body gets and the leg situation, but I definately don't want to reach that line where it doesn't get better.

I am going to see my CFS specialist for a follow-up on Monday. I'm still fearful of being told AGAIN I should take a break from work. Why does it have to be this way? I wouldn't hesistate at all (at this point) if I didn't have the concern about being paid by my STD coverage. Granted 60% pay isn't great but it's certainly better than none. The none is my biggest fear right now. Meanwhile, all my husband ever says is someone needs to test you for Lyme (not that he's heard that from enough people). I tried to explain to him that it's not really that simple (espcially if it's hidden and chronic) but he doesn't want to hear it. So I'm sure he will not be supportive of whatever the doctor suggests.

Somedays I tell myself I can push it a little longer, and then days like yesterday I wonder how I've made it this long. I constantly worry about the damage I'm doing to my body, but I also worry about how I'm going to pay the bills and how my husband is going to react (even though I've warned him multiple times).

Sometimes, I think it would be easier if I was alone.

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